Thursday, January 03, 2008

Monkey Love Cost

I can't bring myself to blog about the ridiculousness that is the Iowa caucus. How snow birds from lilly white Iowa get to, essentially, pick the Dem and Rep nominee for the rest of the states (in theory) is baffling to me. My plan: All 50 primaries on one freakin' day.

Luckily, I stopped watching any sort of TV news a long time ago so I won't have to hear a bunch of talking heads with the vapors chirping about who is up and who is down. Their 'conventional wisdom' bores me to tears.

So, let's get a little crazy today. Sexy crazy. Sexy monkey crazy. Sexy monkey paying-for-it crazy.

Another somethin-somethin that should be legalized. I'm voting for whoever will back legalizing weed and prostitution.

Cost of coitus: Male monkeys pay for sex:

"On average, females had sex 1.5 times per hour.

But this rate jumped to 3.5 times per hour immediately after the female had been groomed by a male -- and her partner of choice was likely to be the hunky monkey that did the grooming.

Market forces also acted on the value of the transaction.

If there were several females in the area, the cost of buying sex would drop dramatically -- a male could 'buy' a female for just eight minutes of nit-picking.

But if there were no females around, he would have to groom for up to 16 minutes before sex was offered."

Listed under 'no-shite'.

The egg head that did the study has a pretty good sense of humor, though. Check out the 2nd paragraph. You can never go wrong with a poot joke.

Cell phone users tie up traffic: study:

"CHICAGO (Reuters) - If you're late for work, a driver using a cell phone may be to blame. U.S. researchers said on Wednesday that people who use cell phones while behind the wheel impede the flow of traffic, clog highways and extend commute times.

'It's a bit like breaking wind in the elevator. Everyone suffers,' Peter Martin of the University of Utah's Traffic Lab said in a telephone interview."


Caffeine Soap Wakes You Up In The Shower:

"Shower Shock is soap with caffeine in it. You rub it all over that sexy naked body of yours, and next thing you know, you're wide f'ing awake. Simple as that. Each 4 oz bar has approximately 12 200mg caffeine servings."

OK, I can't resist. Must bash the Douchebag-in-chief for being such a heinous doubche bag.

Bonus payments frozen - Army Times:

"The Army has temporarily halted bonus payments for more than 20 enlistment, re-enlistment and service extension programs pending enactment of authorizing legislation.

President Bush, to the surprise of Congress and the Defense Department, vetoed the fiscal 2008 Defense Authorization Act on Dec. 29 after months bargaining with House and Senate leaders."

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