Thursday, December 21, 2006

Holy Foreskin... in a box

Jesus H. Christ!
This wasn't just the residuum of any holy human—nor was it just any body part. It was the foreskin of Jesus Christ, the snipped-off tip of the savior's penis, the only piece of his body he supposedly left on earth.

Too Much Sex... To Little Jesus....'s foreskin.
NEW YORK (AP) -- More than nine out of 10 Americans, men and women alike, have had premarital sex, according to a new study. The high rates extend even to women born in the 1940s, challenging perceptions that people were more chaste in the past.

"This is reality-check research," said the study's author, Lawrence Finer. "Premarital sex is normal behavior for the vast majority of Americans, and has been for decades."

'Preacher's nuts roasting on an open fire....'
A church whose former pastor was president of the Southern Baptist Convention has been rocked by allegations of child abuse, PageOneQ has learned.

Mary Mother of God!
(AP) A woman mistakenly put her 1-month-old grandson through an X-ray machine at Los Angeles International Airport, authorities said.

LAZARO CARDENAS, Mexico - Soldiers trying to seize control of one Mexico's top drug-producing regions found the countryside teeming with a new hybrid marijuana plant that can be cultivated year-round and cannot be killed with pesticides.

The Greatest Gift of All


davyproctorboy said...

Long live San Francisco values! I would recognize Jesus' foreskin anywhere, just like I would recognize the "virgin mary"'s face (as opposed to any other woman's) on ink blots, rain puddles, markings on goldfish, and tea leaves....

JPW said...

...toast, don't forget V.M. on the toast. I recognized Jeebuseseses forskin in a bowl of cornflakes once. Quite tasty.

Jenn said...

Favorite lables ever!

JPW said...

Thanks, babe! Miss you!

Merry Bah-humbug to this shittiest time of year.... did I just write that?