Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Deep Fried Bacon and Rich Nuts

We've got some seriously messed up priorities in this country.

My god, people, hasn't anyone learned the lessons of War Games!!! I mean, Matthew Broderick almost never learned how to swim because of nukes. And Ally Sheedy was going to teach him!

Oh the humanity.

Seriously, doh, this if fucked up.

Revealed: US spends more than $52 billion a year on nukes:

"The amount of money spent on America's nuclear programs dwarfs the amount spent on diplomacy and foreign assistance (combined), effectively leaving US diplomatic efforts abroad in the long shadow of America's ballistic missiles."

Maybe not my 12 biggest, but funny none-the-less.

Your 12 Biggest Questions About Hollywood, Answered:

"Q: Hey, remember that movie American Carol, by that guy David Zucker, that was really going to sock it to liberals? What happened with that?

A: It made over $150 million dollars because it touched something deep, deep inside the American heart. They're working on a sequel right now.

Q: Really?

A: Nah, I'm just fucking with you. It died like Michael Savage on TV.

Q: I was in Toys 'R' Us the other day, and it looks like no one bought any of the Wall-E toys for Christmas. If that stuff gets thrown in a landfill, and some robot digs it up in the future, what kind of irony will it be?

A: Situational irony."

Pffft. Give me a steady diet of deep-fried bacon and butter and I'll walk across my lawn.

My kind of explorers.

Explorers say they set record in South Pole trek:

"SYDNEY, Australia – A trio of Canadian adventurers said Friday they have set a new record for fastest trek across Antarctica to the South Pole, after suffering through whiteout conditions, temperatures as low as minus 40 — and a steady diet of deep-fried bacon and butter."

Time off for good behavior.

Police say masked man waited in line to rob bank:

"Police Captain Rick Myers says it's unusual for a masked robber to wait in line at a bank."

And this relates to me how?

Cha-Ching! About 30 years more worth of 'Cha-Ching'!

Deez retirement fund nuts.

Pursuit of stem cells lead to testicles:

"Stanford researchers have isolated powerful stem cells from human testes and say the cells could ultimately yield a wide variety of human tissues including cells of the nervous system, the liver, heart, skin and blood vessels."

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